Good Grief - What My Moms Death Taught Me

My mom passed away from a medically assisted death on December 17, 2020 at 11:04am.  She passed away at the exact same time as my son's father.  She always told me she was a numbers person.   When the doctor announced her time of death and immediately smirked, had a deep sense of inner peace knowing that she had one final lesson to teach me and that this life of ours right up until the second we check out of here is carefully crafted.

Truth be told I wake up happy and so grateful because there is a purpose for my life.  The other truth is I wasn't even meant to be here.  My mother was told she could never have children.  Just thinking about how lucky I am brings tears to my eyes.

Knowing what your purpose is, and knowing what it is that only YOU came here to do in this world will make all the difference in your life. 

But it wasn't always like this for me.  In fact there were many lonely years of darkness, depression, grief, pain, suffering, shame, guilt, regret, unhappiness, sickness, anger, and despair that I need to work through and process. 

My moms death cracked me wide open and exposed a deep rooted mother wound that needed healing.  The healing had to go back 3 generations.  It was a true awakening and rebirth but first my entire world had to come crashing down to rock bottom and that's usually how it all works.  You usually lose something or someone that is no longer needed in your journey.  I believe it was my moms time to go and that her purpose of being my mother and her teaching me everything I needed to know was complete.  

After she passed, I still had a lot of healing to do and a lot of shit to process from my childhood and my past.  Most of it I thought was normal.  Other things were left totally unconscious to me and were the main reason I continue to go around in circle, recreate the same problems and self-sabotage myself.

On the 3rd year anniversary of her death while I was on my way to the yoga studio one I heard a whisper from within... "There will be no tears today"... My mom was coming through and giving me a much needed pep talk.  

The night before my mom died we took pictures and she was smiling. It was weird now looking back.  Did she even want to smile?  Was she happy?  Or was she putting on a show for everyone else?  It was like we were saying goodbye to someone who was leaving on a very long vacation, but was never actually coming back.

I couldn't bring myself to tell my children their nanny was going to die in the morning, so I let them leave with my husband and explained to them the next day that their nanny went to heaven.  I don't know if that was the right thing to do, but it felt right at the time given their age.

The nurse had come that morning to get her ready for the procedure, loved ones came to say there last goodbye’s, and the next morning at 10 am the doctors would arrive and she would die on her own terms by having a medically assisted death.  

The procedure was peaceful and beautiful and I have no idea how my mom remained so brave and calm.  I think back to this moment in time and wonder what must have been going through her mind but she never cried.  She never showed any signs of weakness or fear.  All that she said was “I AM Ready”, and repeated it twice.

Immediately after she passed I heard a whisper in my ear that she was on the other side and that she was happy, and that she was free.

You see, I could spend my days crying over the fact that she’s not here on earth, or I could spend my days breathing, living my life fully, being happy, staying healthy, being who God called me to be, and connecting to that loving presence on the other side that is ALWAYS with me. 

So while there are moments where I miss seeing her in person, I know that she’s never that far away from me and that I can connect with her any time I want. 

All I do is close my eyes, place my hand on my heart, breathe, and wait for her soft whisper.  It’s magic and most times I cry tears of joy, not sadness.  I can ask her any question I need an answer to, and I can ask her for guidance.  She comes through every time and there is not a doubt in my mind that she’s not there.

 You too have that same super power and magic in your heart.  You can call upon God or anyone in your life that has crossed over and welcome them into your heart and they will help you get through anything you need to.

You can either choose to believe and actually live your life the way God intended you to live and be happy, or you can doubt and die a little more each day while you allow grief to squash you and ruin your health, your relationships, and your life.  I’d highly suggest option number one for your loved ones are happy and care free on the other side.   It would disappoint them greatly to see you sad and suffering while you’re still alive and have more life left to live and a purpose to fulfill. 

If there was one thing my mother taught me it was this… To be the leader of my own life.  It was to ALWAYS listen to my own heart and soul and to raise my babies up to be FEARLESS, strong, and courageous in a world that does its very best to keep them from experiencing true love, happiness, health, joy, purpose, and inner peace.

My wish for you is that you do the same.  

After you have gone through the awakening process and have come home to yourself you wake up and all you have in your heart is gratitude and love.

Sure there will be moments of fear, frustration, guilt, grief, sadness, and doubt but you will see the darkness for what it is and reject it.  You will now know that every thought you think, every word that you speak, and every fear that you have is in fact creating your reality and your future.  Ultimately you get to choose what it is you’re going to create for yourself and your life.

You will be thankful for your health and the body that you call home.

You will be thankful that you are strong, energetic, confident and at a healthy weight that you feel good at.

You will be thankful that you are pain free and that your body feels amazing.

You will be thankful for the health of all your family members.

You will be thankful for a loving, strong, passionate, and healthy marriage.

You will be thankful for incredible, fun loving friends who are always there for you and who always show up for you on time.

You will be thankful for a career that you love and the fact that you are highly paid for all the work that you do in this world.

You will be thankful for time freedom to live life how you want to live it.

You will be thankful that you live in the safest environment and that your children go to the best schools.

You will be thankful for all of the abundance in your life.

You will be thankful for inner peace, love, and joy in your heart.

Most importantly you will be thankful to that loving presence WITHIN you that has never left you and is always leading you to the right place at the right time.

You see when you listen to that voice, trust and believe that voice, it will be THAT voice who will save you and help you.

It’s when we start listening to the voices of everyone else is where we lose our way and get into trouble.  Then our life no longer becomes our own, but rather history repeating itself day after day.

Finding your true self and changing your life won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.  Keep going for the best is yet to come!

www.lindsayrose.ca/liveyourlife

xo

Lindsay