That Holy Feeling.... My Union with God

Who am I, and how did I get here? 

I my name is Lindsay Rose Martin, and I am a wife, a mother of 3, a motivational speaker, author and life coach.  But that’s not who I am, but rather just an extension of myself and what I am passionate about.

Who I am is love.  Who I am is strength.  Who I am is purpose.  Who I am is an abundance source of energy that resides in this body I’m so blessed to call my home. 

I have always been a believer, but often times I felt myself questioning, if there really was a God, why would all of these bad things keep happening to me.  Looking back I can see so clearly now.

I was given gifts throughout my life with the sole purpose to serve, and uplift others to a higher ground,

 Those gifts were not all ribbons and bows and glitter coloured paper.

My gifts were food addiction, obesity, poor health, fertility issues and miscarriages, a spouse with a hidden addiction, divorce, single parenting, death of my sons father and one of my very best friend to cancer at the age of 35, loss of a job, building a successful business to only have it collapse, anxiety and post-traumatic stress, to REBIRTH.  To union with my highest self, a complete surrender and union with God seeing everything from a new lens.

Those gifts were rejection, disappointment, unmet expectations, insecurity, heartache, defeat, struggles, challenges, grief, attack, judgement, loss, addiction and failure.

Those gifts were my greatest blessings for I know understand that all of that pain and suffering can’t go to good waste.  Those gifts are too precious to leave sitting there in the dark unopened, but it took some time to eventually shine light onto all of the darkness in my life and uncover their true beauty, and today I use them to serve and help others to transform their life.

It was a day I’ll never forget, my ultimate wake-up call.  I was lying in bed sick with the flu, and I heard my husband scream.  Our little girl had started having a seizure.  He brought her up the stairs, and as I held her above my bed paralyzed with fear that we were going to lose her, I prayed to God not to take her.

In that instant I was brought back to all of the dumb things I had worried about, and how stupid I was striving and chasing things outside of myself.  For in that instant, my entire world was wrapped up in my arms, and all that mattered was love.    All that mattered was health and life.

Thankfully my daughter was okay, but I on the other hand was not.  I started to experience intrusive thoughts, post-traumatic stress, and was scared to be alone with my kids.  Everything in my mind was fear.  Fear of something bad happening. Fear of me doing something to harm someone else.  Anxiety, stress, panic attacks, depression, exhaustion started to set in, and I reached a level of complete burn out.

One morning I came to my husband paralyzed with fear, scared to be alone and I laid on the couch trying to quiet my mind and a calming voice came over me.  You are safe.  You are healed.  “Be still and know” took on a whole new meaning from that day on. 

For nearly 2 years I rose early in the morning to sit with myself, meditate, journey, write and was able to shine light onto every dark space in my life.  What I realized that I was the problem the entire time. 

I was able to letting go of what I was still hanging onto, purging all of the negative energy, the heartache, the lack, and the failure, I carried with me for decades, and renewed my mind with a healing power greater than my own, restoring myself back to health, and wholeness.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was fully equipped this entire time. That nudge.  That whisper, that strength, protection, that hope and vision of a better tomorrow, my guiding force had always been there, but I didn’t realize it at the time it was my truth.  It was my God and that I had him locked up inside of me this whole time.

Anytime my life was going well I was fully aligned with the truth of who I am, and anytime I was struggling, I wasn’t in union with my best self, I was detached and separate, and operating from a space of lack, unworthiness, and greed.

The beautiful thing as I sit here transformed, is a knowing and acceptance that I had to go through it all.  I had to make those mistakes and failures, as each one became a steppingstone to total faith, trust, surrender and belief.

Leading me here back to my home base of unconditional love, happiness, health and wholeness, a complete transformation from the inside out and essentially a rebirth, for the old me never serve me, or anyone else around me for that matter.

Today I solely guided by stillness and knowing. 

Today I stand on a firm foundation of strength and love, solely guided by truth, and purpose.

Today, I come full circle, knowing that God was working through me this entire time, he was with me this entire time, moulding me, testing me, and shaping me into the person he would have be me, and every day I wake up excited to live my life fully alive, fully awake, fully grateful, and blessed that I need nothing more outside of myself.

This broken soul has been pieced back together complete, and fully aligned with the truth of who I really am and after 38 years it finally feels so good to come out of the dark side, and get back home to a space of pure unconditional love, and surrender free from the limitations I sadly placed up on myself.

This is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.